


Saudade

by Secret_Glances



Category: Batman (Comics), Red Robin (Comics), Teen Titans (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Canon, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-06
Updated: 2014-03-06
Packaged: 2018-01-14 17:55:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1275619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Secret_Glances/pseuds/Secret_Glances
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We can all be together again. Why do you insist on being alone?”<br/>“I didn’t insist on being alone!”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saudade

It’s funny how you don’t what you have til it’s gone.

You miss them. You want them. 

You love them.

Tim had been gone for months.

It had been months since Tim had proven Bruce was still alive, and he was back. Months. Months since Dick agreed to remain as Batman in Gotham, with Damian. Months since he was expecting Tim to forgive him for not believing him. Months since he had last spoken to Tim. So of course, when he saw the familiar yellow insignia of Red Robin, he’d go chasing it across half the city. It was almost like a dream, like he wasn't real. 

He had to. It was _Tim_.

It was always Tim.

“Wait! Don’t go,” Dick begged out of breath, when twenty minutes of swinging lead to Tim finally collapsing against the roof top of an abandoned brick building. To be fair, he had probably been patrolling hours beforehand. “Please, just hear me out?”

“Dick, there’s nothing you can say to make me stay. I have to go.”Tim bit out, standing up and preparing to leave, but Dick grabbed his arm.

“Little Brother, _please_. I should have listened to you. You were right about Bruce, about everything. I’m sorry…for everything.”

“Dick–“

“I mean _everything.”_ He felt Tim relax in his grip, but he knew he wasn’t staying.

“I can’t stay.”

“Why? What can I do to make you stay? I miss you.” I love you.

“I don’t belong here, not anymore.”

“I’m sorry, Tim. Damian needed Robin more than you did. I know it hurts to hear me say that, but I know inside you know it’s true. You know he needed it. The same way we all did. You’re great as Red Robin, even better. You’re doing so well, Tim. Please don’t go, please.”

Tim scoffed and clenched his fist, yanking his arm away, “Don’t say I’m doing well, when I’m not.”

“Please Tim. It’s been so long since the last time I’ve seen you. Why are you pushing me away?”

His brow visibly relaxed, and Dick felt a little relieved, “I’m not trying to push you away; I’m trying to find myself right now.”

“Can’t I help you?”

“There’s not much you can do, Dick. I’m sorry, but I have to do this alone _now_. I have to figure myself out on my own.” As Tim started to walk away, Dick followed behind furiously. He was tired of people walking away.

Dick was tired of fighting. He was tired of feeling helpless, not knowing what he could do to have Tim back. He knows he messed up, but he was sorry. What could he do but be mad? “Bruce is back, hell, even Jason is back. We can all be together again. Why do you _insist_ on being alone?”

“I didn’t insist on being alone!”

He took a hesitant step forward, gravel crunching beneath his boot. “Then why, Tim? Help me understand.”

“I didn’t ask to be alone.” Tim looked away, refusing to meet his eyes, “But I am.”

“You’re not alone. I’m right here, and I’ve always been here. You have so many friends who care about you. You have family. Bruce, Damian, Jason, Cass, we’re all family. I’m here, Tim. I’m always here.” Dick knew he was getting worked up. He close to being hysterical.

He, however, did  not anticipate Tim to be the one to break, “I don’t know what to do anymore, Dick. Everywhere I go I feel displaced, like I don’t belong. There’s nowhere I belong anymore. Not here, not the tower, not anywhere.” Tim slipped off his cowl, wiping at damp cheeks.

He fell to his knees, and all Dick wanted to do was hold him. But instead he placed a single hand on his back, rubbing soothing circles.

“You do belong here, Tim. This is your home.” He whispered gently.

“I don’t have a home anymore.”

“You have a home–“

“No, Dick! I don’t.”

“Tim…”

“I used to have a place I could always turn to, and not be afraid of being anyone. Robin, Red Robin, a leader, or anything...I could be me. Just _me_.”

Tim stood up, and looked him right in the eye, “But he took it away from me.” There was a plead in his eyes, Dick did not know how to place.

“Who took it away from you? Do you mean Bruce? When he made you Robin?”

“No.” The cars beneath them howled, but all Dick could hear was the absolute silence.

“Conner.” When he died.

“I knew where I belonged. I always knew, and I never even said a damn thing. Because that was the one thing that did scare me.”

Tim choked on a sob, before whispering out, “him knowing.” Dick understood.

“Now, all I want is for him to know, and he can’t. There’s nothing I can do. I can’t do anything to bring him back. I can’t tell him anything anymore. I can’t look for him when I need him. I can’t make him come back. I feel so helpless. But you have to trust me when I say I’m trying to move forward. I have been, for a long time now. It’s something only I can do for me. Only I can help me. Only I can take away all the hurt he caused when he left. I thought I’d be okay again when Bruce came back. But I have this emptiness inside of me that won’t go away. It hurts every day. It hurts and doesn’t stop. Because I can’t stop looking into that damn sky hoping he’ll be like Superman and come back...”

Tim looked toward the sky, “… _But he never does_.”

“I used to feel really selfish, Dick. I kept telling myself he should have never left me. I kept telling myself he was the only one that could make everything better. I know better now. I know I can help myself get better. I’m trying, I really am. I’m always trying.”

Dick wished for many things in that moment. He wished he knew how it felt to be so special in Tim’s eyes. He knows he was once. He wished he could take away all the pain Tim has ever felt. He wished he could fill that emptiness. But all he could do was watch him learn to fly on his own as much as it broke his heart. “I love you, Little Brother.”

“I know you do.”


End file.
